we honor Husbando

 Annabelle and I sang Happy Birthday Dear Bill this morning after lighting a candle. Then we watched our embarrassing president as he addressed the European leaders in Switzerland. Dear Bill would be infuriated by this jerk who loves Putin and Hitler. Lordy...

the past and the present

 Today is Tender Day. Seven years since Husbando passed. Such a good man and still greatly missed by so many, especially by me, of course. This morning at 5am the power was restored and life as I know it now resumes with the busyness of daily living. I was so fortunate to see Bill in his children and grands this past weekend and we would have had some laughs were he with me. If only...

Tender Day

 Husbando died five years ago today. That man loved food ~ here he is at Soto Mare in North Beach where Ginger treated us to lunch. He was in bad shape but still happy because we found parking right across the street and the meal was delightful. I have so many glorious memories and I know he would be proud of me for carrying on without him and building my own hermit life with the help of my friends. And my cat. Love remains.

meatball sandwiches al fresco

 Doug, Barb and I celebrated Bill outdoors on West Portal at the new (to us) Little Original Joe's which was so delightful and sunny and pleasant. I seldom eat red meat anymore, but I couldn't resist these meat balls with a fresh romaine salad to start. We found free parking because Husbando wouldn't have it any other way. No more "Tender Days" for a few months, whooosh. 

HIS birthday today

 Yesterday Doug, Barb and I had a pre-celebration with his favorite cake from this tiny bakery in Japantown. It's the famous Blum's crunch cake and man, is it yummy. Today we will go to lunch and revive some old memories and try to find photos on our iPhones. Husbando is sorely missed.

Tender Day

 My widow friend Pat calls it that ~ the anniverary of the death of a loved one. Three years yesterday. I plan ahead. I use Bill's coffee mug, walk to Smashburger for lunch and appreciate the flowers sent by Carlini. I think about the friends who helped us so much. I am thankful. I wanted to be all alone for Tender Day. Today I need other people again. I think that is how it is supposed to work. Who knows?

Husbando's birthday

 That mean Blogmaid texted me the bottom photo after I sent her the photo of our celebration yesterday over at Doug and Barb's. We had BLTs and potato chips and I brought Bill's favorite almond torte from Dianda's on Mission Street. Coffee, of course. Annabelle and I sang the HB song to him early in the morning overlooking the sparkling city that he loved so very much.

"It's always hot for Yom Kippur"

The title is a direct quote from Bill Stein, Senior. Uttered every year of his long and good life.  Hot yesterday too and of course wildfires up north. Dirty sky, worry. I love the innovative new street cafes and I stopped for a latte and listened to some jazz in front of Charlie's garage after my Sunday walk. Ready for some cool fog to roll in. Yom Kippur is the Day of Atonement, but you already know that.

down the drain(s)

I am still cleaning and tossing the treasures in Bill's office. One such
gem was an old newspaper clipping of How to Clean Drains using
baking soda and white vinegar followed by hot water. So every single
month, with the blessing of Husbando, I become Ms. Handyperson.
Once again I apologized to Himself for wailing "Why the Hell do we
have so much white vinegar?" after I began the clean-up, clean-out
process two years ago. OK, I get it.

two years with tears

Ah, Husbando ~ a special today-only shrine thing for Bill this morning. I
honor him. I miss him.

A lovely walk with the Blogmaid yesterday in Pathetica. I will carry on,
with a little help from my friends. Well, make that a LOT.

memories galore

It's easier to go through stuff now, two years after Husbando's death. He
left an audio tape about our 2005 trip to NYC to see Christo's Gates
in Central Park. The artist recently died and he too will be missed. In
the 70's we admired his Running Fence going from Sonoma down
through Marin. We stayed at our niece Jill's itty bitty apartment in
New York and it was such a wonderful vacation. I wanted to go back
this year, but the Big Apple will have to wait until 2021. 2022?

from tapes to computer

The Blogmaid's techie niece, Jade, came to pick up the tapes of Husbando
yesterday and she texted me the above to let me know it is all going
well. Meanwhile, I organized the remaining tapes and eighty-two is
the grand total. So now I know what digitalize means and Jade will
hand me a flash drive filled with my Bill when this is all finished. I know
I will be sad all over again when I finish the final tape, but right now
it feels so good to finally get moving on this project.

days of yore

We always made a big deal out of each other's birthdays ~ like a week
long celebration with all the trimmings. Today is Husbando's special
day so I will concentrate on him (and us) and take myself out to lunch.
He would want to go to Tadich's, but I'll try someplace a little less
expensive. I do not know when this old photo was snapped, but it
makes me smile. Happy Birthday to Bill.

the spoken word

Husbando was a happy man. He carried the little tape recorder and talked
into it on our trip to NYC when we went to see The Gates back in 2005. It
is no longer a shock hearing his voice and now if I don't listen to a tape
a day I feel like I am missing something. He loves the sound of his own
voice and I do too. His memories of growing up in St. Louis are delightful
and guess what? His favorite person when he was a child? A black nanny
who lived downstairs and cared for the three boys. Her name? Annabelle.

an important new chapter

His writing, His words

Alexa2 is most welcome

The Blogger and the Blogmaid's Sabine

Yesterday, for the first time, I was able to listen to one of the many, many
tapes that Husbando left. This was for my 65th birthday and it was happy
and sad and beautiful. He recalled when we first met and was wrong about
which outfit I was wearing. He loves my writing and is proud that he puts
up with my many imperfections. Damn. He thanked me for working and
"bringing home the bacon" and so, so good to hear his voice. Only a few
tears and many smiles as I listened. My strong is getting stronger again.

I met the Blogmaid in the fog in Pathetica and she gifted me with Alexa2
which i installed easily (key word) in my bedroom. She is playing some
classical music now as I sit by the fire contemplating which Bill Tape
to play today. A breakthrough day for sure and a good one.

in/on the Boulevard

fig salad

more food porn

One of the best restaurants in SF ~ Boulevard was a favorite of Bill's so
in his spirit I treated Doug and Barb to lunch here yesterday for her birthday.
A glorious meal, he would have loved it. We spoke warmly of the past and
of the future too. He and I used to cook scallops but could never get them as
perfect as the fine restaurants. Here they were served with soft shell crab
and cauliflower and unusual mushrooms. Heaven.

one long year

Or one short year? In any event, there is an In Memoriam for Husbando
in today's Chronicle. I feel like I have been writing it in my head for a
year. Thank you to everyone who has helped me so much with big and
small stuff over these mostly difficult months. As far as the piece in the
SF Chronicle, specific thanks to Dutchhill Anna who was my writing
partner while I worked on this, and to the Blogmaid who edited, added and
encouraged me to write from my heart. Cathartic? Yes indeed.

memories on Memorial Day

This wasn't one of Bill's favorite hats and god knows he had a lot of

them. I bought this for him out at the VA and he wore it just to please

me (I think) last year for Memorial Day when he was in rehab out

at the Jewish Home Hospital. Even though he seldom spoke of his

service in the Navy it was a major part of his life and he did often

speak of the friends he made and now I find photos of the women he

wooed when he was so handsome in his uniform wearing that sly

smile that he became famous for. May I share that I miss him?

Fair's my brother

A secret language develops when people live together for eons. We
picked up an expression (from someone we disliked) that went like this:
Spouse #1 ~ "That is not Fair"
Spouse #2 ~ "Fair's my Brother"
I know it makes no sense.
Anyway, for years Bill worked to get our lemon tree to produce. He
would even take a leaf to the garden store where they would say
either too much water or not enough water. He added vitamins
and proteins to the soil There was a celebration when a lemon appeared.
Now look at this year and the beauties I just picked.
This is simply NOT Fair, brother or no.

leave of absence

I will be taking some time off because dear Husbando is
reaching his Journey's End as the hospice literature states.
Age and a very bad heart take their toll. He still has a
very big heart, but like his body, it is just plain wore out.
I will write again at some point. Know that our friends are
embracing us with love, soup, kindness, chocolate and just
being here with us. Nurse/reverend Carlini is our guide these
days and what would we do without him?