From our youth...thanks to Chef P. for sending these.
Every year, English teachers across the country submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. Excerpts are published to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners:
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E.Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap - one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are known to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either,but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
Nice to see Kingston again!
And here's his sister Lula - looking so much
When Pamela's brother was 4 years old (or so), he would go
Kingston meets Lula
Lula greets her new world
Can you believe this is Kingston, the nephew of Dancing Jen?
Alphabet bath time for Kingston, Dancing Jen's nephew with the
RR and the blogmaid are safely back from Nebraska where
Santa brought RR a scooter (and a few other gifts, actually)
Ben and Sam (or vice versa) ~ Neti and Frank's grandchildren
Dancing Jen's 8 month old nephew, Kingston. Oh, those eyes.
Let's start with the youngest ~ Sam in Sacramento. One of Neti and Frank's grand twins. Mama Nicole is posting great photos on Facebook, so I borrowed a couple here.
Now meet Brother Ben. Both boys and their mothers and grand parents are coming for Thanksgiving here at Casa Verde this year. We are v. excited. Many photo opps!
Dancing Jen's gorgeous nephew Kingston is really 100% adorable, isn't he? And he has certainly captured the heart of his doting aunt.
She's almost six! RR (Ryan Rosemary) is adjusting beautifully to kindergarten and I love my morning emails from her blogmaid mother detailing how she is learning to read and write, meet new friends and enjoy her first real school year.
Here we have Neti and Frank's grand twins ~ Sam and Ben at 2 days old.
The adorable Kingston, Dancing Jen's nephew extraordinaire.
RR went to Disneyland last week and had a dinosaur painted on her face.
