Annabelle beware

 Thanks to the Blogmaid for today's entry. It helps to smile when faced with Trump insanity.

a little humor, please

 If a bottle of poison reaches its expiration date, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?

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Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling.

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My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there's a new strain out there.

we all need a smile

 

so clever ~ back in the day

 These insults are from an era before the Englishlanguage got boiled down to 4-letter words and 2 are "like", for those under 25.

 

A member of Parliament to Disraeli:  "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."

 

"That depends, Sir, " said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

 

"He had delusions of adequacy." Walter Kerr on Justin True Dope

 

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices, which I admire."

Winston Churchill

 

"I have never killed a man; but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."

Clarence Darrow

 

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."

William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

 

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." Moses Hadasslastnight

 

"I didn't attend the funeral; but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."

Mark Twain

 

"He has no enemies; but is intensely disliked by his friends." Oscar Wilde

 

 

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one." George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

 

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." Winston Churchill, in response

 

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." Stephen Bishop

 

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." John Bright

 

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." Irvin S. Cobb

 

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." Samuel Johnson

 

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." Paul Keating

 

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." Charles, Count Talleyrand

 

"He loves nature, in spite of what it did to him." Forrest Tucker

 

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"

Mark Twain

 

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork"

Mae West

 

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." Oscar Wilde

 

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts, for support rather than illumination".

Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

 

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."

Billy Wilder

 

 

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But, I'm afraid this wasn't it, as the duck did not come out of the ceiling."

Groucho Marx

humor from the old orange desk

Bill wasn't a joke teller (thank God), but he loved words and word play.
From a note:
. We can now put Berlin on the back burner of Cold War hot spots.
From a magazine:
. Death is life's answer to the question "Why?"
. Even a doctor can laugh ~ Yiddish
. The dog who bites you may have his reasons.
. Not every first born becomes king.

comedy, by any name...

I have no idea where we read or heard about Arab Labor, but it is an Israeli TV
series about a Palestinian reporter with an identity problem. Amjad and his
family live in Israel and each half hour episode proves once again that
if we are able to laugh at ourselves, maybe we can solve a few of the serious
world problems. This is surprisingly irreverent and I'm already looking
forward to the episode where the family is invited to a Passover dinner.
It took FOREVER to get this on the Flix®, or maybe they just have the
one copy, but I'm hoping that lots of diverse people get to watch, enjoy
and learn from this.

a little levity on Wednesday

(with thanks to my friend Richard in Seattle)

The Best Smart Ass Answers of 2010!!

SMART ASS ANSWER #6

It was mealtime during an airline flight.
'Would you like dinner?', the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
'What are my choices?' John asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.

SMART ASS ANSWER #5

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'

SMART ASS ANSWER #4

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead...'

SMART ASS ANSWER #3

The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said.
The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMART ASS ANSWER #2

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'

SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2010!!

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'

i am a dolt

Last night we watched Rachel Maddow and Keith Olbermann as they
discussed the tax protesters ~ they had their adorable left wing smirks
on every time the term "tea bagging" was used. Before I went to bed
I checked the Urban Dictionary and now I understand why these
patriots were so upset and of course I'm greatly amused. But because
this blog has thousands of readers under 18, I will let you look this
up for yourself. Or maybe Husbando and I are the only ones who didn't
GET the joke, although looking at the protesters on TV, I betcha they
were just as clueless as we were.