out of the blue (and red)

 This very cool journal was on my front porch yesterday afternoon. An unexpected Happy New Year's gift from Jesse, a man I met back in 2018 in grief group. We were a small group of cryers who bonded over our losses. We helped each other immensely and several of us stay in touch. Covid made meet-ups impossible, but still, friendships emerged. That's Bernal Hill on the front cover. So very nice.

it all helps

 From the top: a long walk in the nabe with Jen and her two dogs. Sifting through happy memories and then some beautiful flowers from the Blogmaid. Amy and I will have a small, casual memorial for Ginger at a later date. And thanks for loving messages from friends. We are healing.

the past and the present

 Today is Tender Day. Seven years since Husbando passed. Such a good man and still greatly missed by so many, especially by me, of course. This morning at 5am the power was restored and life as I know it now resumes with the busyness of daily living. I was so fortunate to see Bill in his children and grands this past weekend and we would have had some laughs were he with me. If only...

the fog was heavy this morning

 My favorite columnist, Kevin Fisher-Paulson, died. He wrote very personal words about his partner and their two adopted black sons. He was a sheriff here in SF and marched in every Gay Parade in uniform with his family. So San Francisco. Kevin battled cancer for 15 months and his death was expected, my reaction this morning was not. Tears. I will miss his Wednesday column and the world lost a very good man. I get tired of goodbyes.

with a little help...

 Another SF view ~ this from Pat's balcony last night. My friends pitched in nicely to help me through Tender Day. Lunch up at Jen's with two dogs and dinner last night with Pat and Neti, both widows who understand new and not-so-new grief. We help each other, that's the name of the game, or should be.

Tender Day

 Well, these six years flew by. I think Husbando would be proud of all that I've accomplished since he died and forgiving of all the mistakes I've made. He certainly was while he was alive. We will be forever grateful to Ginger and the Blogmaid for seeing us through that awful night.

he was the GOAT

 RIP to the Say Hey Kid who died yesterday at the age of 93. The baseball world and our city mourns and within minutes fans were bringing flowers to his statue at the Jewel. I soaked up all the tributes on TV last night ~ Willie Mays, what a superb human being. One of his sayings:

PRACTICE LIKE A PRO

PLAY LIKE A KID

inspired by these brave mourners

 Thousands risked so much yesterday in Russia as they said goodbye to Alexie Navalny, a true hero and vocal opposition leader to that snake Putin. And thank you to his wife who will now continue the fight. 

and here we are

 

a little break for Widow Stein

 I really wanted some won ton noodle soup yesterday because the clean-up, clean-out has been getting to me. So many memories. Working on music currently. Anyway, Husbando and I used to bring each other this healing soup when one or the other of us had a cold, or worse. I headed for Tam's in Pathetica, but they were closed for vacation so I hit the Hot Pot and settled for chicken chow mien and it was just fine. I like the easy Post Office in Pacifica and the Safeway there is also a nice change from mine. It's the little things that matter currently. Always?

Tender Day

 Husbando died five years ago today. That man loved food ~ here he is at Soto Mare in North Beach where Ginger treated us to lunch. He was in bad shape but still happy because we found parking right across the street and the meal was delightful. I have so many glorious memories and I know he would be proud of me for carrying on without him and building my own hermit life with the help of my friends. And my cat. Love remains.

beautiful and sad

 The Berkeley City Club was designed by Julia Morgan and it is stunning. Yesterday I went to a memorial service there for the daughter of friends who died of cancer waaaaay too young. It was also the 4th anniversary (aka Tender Day) of Bill's death so there were a lot of public and private tears and that is just how it is. Today is fog (so far) and the Pride Parade which I will watch on TV. I am OK, worry not.💗

celebrating Marsha

 Yesterday Luckey and I celebrated Marsha's birthday at this surprising boutique Proper Hotel in the Tenderloin (!) across from his art studio. We told stories and laughed and cried because Marsha was such an amazing woman and friend to both of us. I brought her photo (above) which I do in my own really cheesy way as we remember the people who had the audacity to leave us. I so needed this.

four widows in the Grove

 This is our warm weather time and Neti and I joined Pat for dinner last night. We had drinks and snacks outside as the sun went down. Roberta joined us, she recently lost her husband and and is now a member of this club that no one wants to belong to. I hope we were able to comfort her. Time heals, sort of...

Tender Day

 My widow friend Pat calls it that ~ the anniverary of the death of a loved one. Three years yesterday. I plan ahead. I use Bill's coffee mug, walk to Smashburger for lunch and appreciate the flowers sent by Carlini. I think about the friends who helped us so much. I am thankful. I wanted to be all alone for Tender Day. Today I need other people again. I think that is how it is supposed to work. Who knows?

One Eyed Jacks

 ...that's the SF Estate Liquidation company that Marsha's ex hired to sell all her belongings. She wanted the money to go to KDFC, our local classical music radio station. I imagine that it will be a large amount as the sale was on for three full days. This isn't an accurate before/after because the top is her bedroom and the bottom photo is the living room, but you get the picture, I know you do.

low key, powerful

 I went back to bed yesterday with my coffee and cat in order to watch the Royal Funeral. It was all quite beautiful in its simplicity and majesty. The Queen, not used to sitting alone for these occasions, made me sad and the blues stayed with me most of the day. Today is a new day and I do appreciate my life.

what we leave behind

 I spent yesterday afternoon packing up Marsha's clothes for the Salvation Army. The two bags with cat are just a few that will go out today. My car and garage smell nicely of my friend. Luckey insisted that I keep the plate and I am happy to do so as Marsha recently sold the whole set and was so proud of that. I do not mind the chip, but the buyers did. Here you see Marsha's bedroom, she was not planning to leave us and was always hoping for "one more trip to Turkey" ~ an amazing woman who lived well surrounded by art and beauty. 

grief and gratitude

 Marsha died and I wept most of yesterday even though she had battled cancer for years. Last night I had a little memorial for her because I have learned that these grief gestures all help. We met at the museum as retail workers and art lovers. She would bring me little art treasures sometimes, seen on the table here. Marsha and I had some great times: Sonoma, art galleries, Bolinas, the symphony, roof garden tours, lunch in Tiburon and North Beach, coffee in Bernal Heights, my dining room table. Her most recent goal was to get strong enough to join us for Easter here. Duca and Rosa, Marsha's beloved dogs, are with the breeder now ~ all arranged before she died. They stayed with Marsha when she passed away in her tiny art-filled apartment in the heart of North Beach. She added so much to my life, thank you dear friend. 

BART to San Leandro (and back)

 Guapito was waiting for me to admire him yesterday and so I did. Who wouldn't? I had not seen Meriel for over a year and then we met her friend Howard for lunch at Sparky's. Howard's wife Barbara died seven months ago so we had a mini-memorial with photos and tears (mine). I wish he could benefit from grief group the way I did, but he will get through this pain as we all do. We all grieve differently and I was one of the messy ones. But that's okay.